Wow. (NSFW)

I’ve always been told that women can have multiple orgasms but men can’t.

Apparently that’s not entirely true. Because I just had several. In a row. Mind-blowing ones. Body tensing, breath in your throat, more pleasure than your brain can process ones. Thanks to this little guy.

My first dildo

So I guess the upgraded idea shouldn’t be ‘men can’t have multiple orgasms’ it should be ‘men can’t have multiple orgasms with their own cock’.

Unless it’s a freakishly well endowed and flexible one, I suppose. 🙂

A look at gay icons in geek culture part I: Apollo and the Midnighter

This is something I’m going to try and do fairly often on this blog, partly to act as filler for when I don’t have anything about myself to write about, and partly just because I think it should be done. 🙂

I’m not a big comic fan, but I do like some of Warren Ellis’ stuff, and my first introduction to his work was when I stumbled across a copy of the first set of The Authority and Planetary comics. The two are set in the same universe and occasionally interact, but for the most part they’re separate. What caught my eye first about The Authority, however, was not just the striking storyline about a superhero group declaring themselves the most powerful authority (hence the title) on the planet. What caught my eye were these two.

Apollo and Midnighter

There have been gay characters in comics, in fact the entire X-Men series was an allegory for the fight for minority rights, and as such they’re often on the forefront when it comes to GLBT issues.  But this was the first time I’d ever seen a gay couple right there, front and center, in a comic series. I don’t think they were the first, just the first that I encountered.

The Authority itself is a bit of a take on DC’s Justice League. It is an attempt to show a more realistic portrayal of what would happen if a group of seven of the most powerful people on the planet formed a group to try and fix the world. It isn’t as clean and pretty as a saturday morning cartoon. It gets downright nasty at times. What really struck me was that in this team of super-powerful people, there was plenty of sex, drugs, ect. available to all of them. And the other team members all took advantage of that from time to time. But these two were in a committed relationship. When it was discovered that the spirit of a former teammate had come back as an infant, the only ones who were in a stable enough relationship to raise said child were these two.

These characters were obviously inspired by a pair of more well known superheroes from the DC universe, and since Wildstorm is owned by DC they didn’t have to worry about copyright infringement. Apollo derives his power from solar energy. It makes him super-strong, fast, invulnerable, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound, shoot lasers out of his eyes, and if this doesn’t sound familiar to you then you’ve never seen a since comic, cartoon or superhero movie in your life. He is basically Superman with prettier hair.

Midnighter, on the other hand, does not have the ability to fly, is not invulnerable and cannot shoot lasers out of his eyes. His abilities come from within. He prefers to wear black. He is the penultimate fighter. He can see people’s strengths and weaknesses, and play out a fight thousands of moves in advance so he knows how to respond to any possible threat before it even happens. His catch phrase is usually some variant of “I’ve played this fight in my head a thousand times before it even happened. Only one of us will walk away from this.” This is a slightly less obvious take on a more well known superhero, but the cold, calculating fighter in black is doubtless an allegory for Batman. Unlike Batman, his enhancements do make him recover from injuries and diseases at a ridiculous rate. Also unlike Batman, he is not afraid to kill or maim to get what he wants. This gives the character a bit more freedom than Batman’s rigid code of conduct allows.

The two were ‘created’ as part of a secret black-ops team of superpowered humans, and when that went sour they decided to hit the streets and do their best to help people. They continued this back-alley fight against crime until they were asked by Jenny Sparks to join her new group, The Authority.

Like any other couple, the two had their ups and downs. They had their fights. But they were one of the first examples of a stable, loving gay couple in comics.

IDAHO: International Day Against Homophobia

Tomorrow is March 17, also known as Internation Day Against Homophobia.

http://www.idahomophobia.org/

In 75 countries, being a homosexual is a crime. This should not be.

Oh my! (NSFW)

A few short minutes after my last post, I had my first prostate orgasm. Jesus tittyfucking Christ on a seatless bicycle… why did I wait this long? Honestly. I’ve thought about getting a dildo or vibrator or something at least a hundred times before. Why did it take me so long to work up the nerve?

I think I now understand how my ex felt when I hit her G-spot and her breath would catch in her throat, and the only thing her entire nervous system was capable of relaying back to her body was a signal that said, “Keep moving along with this because I don’t want this sensation to fucking stop.”

Its a good thing I used to swim, because even though I haven’t done it in quite a while, I still can hold my breath for quite some time.

First I started out with the vibrator on low, a little in-out, a little holding it still to let the vibrations do their thing. Then I turned it up, did a little more of that. Then I decided to try and do my best to feel what a real cock would be like. Turned the vibration off. Just went in and out. Tried a few angles, found what worked best. It hardly took any time at all for me to just fucking lose it. The only thing my brain was capable of doing was to tell my hand to keep doing what it was doing. My cock was only semi-hard, but when I finally had to gasp for a breath and stop pumping my dildo in and out of my ass, it felt like I’d just cum buckets after weeks of not masturbating.

I took a shower immediately afterwards, just so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning up lube or anything. Made things a bit easier. A few times in the shower I had to steady myself, I was almost shaking. Still feeling little aftertremors. I also discovered that the first setting on the shower head felt really good on my coin purse, and the second to last setting on the shower head gives just the right size, pulse and power to do wondrous things to my anus. Normally I’d avoid analingus like the plague, as I find it to be more than just a wee bit gross. But I’d imagine this was a pretty good simulation, but without the whole tongue to ass problem.

This time there was no poo involved, which is good. I guess my subconscious is starting to be able to discern which sensations are from normal bodily functions and which ones are me trying to get off. 🙂 After I lost a bit of control at the end there was a little bit of santorum, but that was easy enough to clean off.

On that note though, if I’m going to try and practice my blowjob techniques, I’m gonna need another phallus. Because I sure as hell ain’t putting that one in my mouth now.

Of course the optimum solution there would be to find a boyfriend…

Within and without

The time has come, the Walrus said, to speak of many things. Of ships and shoes and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. Of why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.
     -Lewis Carroll

I set up this blog to help me express myself. But if I don’t let that expression flow between this blog and my actual life, there really won’t be anything to write about.

There are two sides to any journey. The external and the internal. A good portion of mine will be external. I’d like to actually get a boyfriend. I’d like to actually get my hands(among other things) on another man’s junk. But a good deal of it will also be internal.

But the internal and external in our lives will always affect each other. Right now my self esteem is a little lower than it usually is. I’ve been single a while. I’ve put on some weight lately. I’m not feeling my best. So I decided to change those things. Last night I finally got around to shaving after never-quite-finding-the-time for about a month (I can slack off in that respect because I got the ‘5 o’clock shadow in a week or two’ genes from my native american ancestry. Unlike my brother, who got the ‘5 o’clock shadow before noon’ genes from the eastern european side.). I plan on getting back to doing regular exercise. I spent 3 years doing heavy manual labor, and I lost a lot of weight and replaced a lot of it with muscle mass. Since I moved about a year ago, I haven’t been doing that. So my body has lost some of that muscle and regained some of that fat. I’m still one of the strongest people I know, but I don’t look nearly as good naked as I would like.

In the meantime though… I’ve got a little time to kill before I need to do anything. I think I’m gonna get back to my Mechanical Boyfriend Replacement Device™. That was fun. 🙂

The next day

So I did notice a little soreness today after last night. Probably because after I did that post, I decided to give it another try. This time I decided to just relax and focus more on the vibration than the old in-out in-out. And I take back what I said last post… the vibration felt fantastic too. It just wasn’t as noticable when I wasn’t letting it do its thing. At the moment I’m kind of starting to feel a bit like this character from Ghastly’s Ghastly Webcomic…

http://www.ghastlycomic.com/d/20030608.html

At least I’ve got a substitute for now though. 🙂

I’ve got tentative plans to hang out with friends tomorrow night (doing the geek thing. Role playing games. And not the kinky kind.), but we won’t be doing stuff too late and who knows… maybe I’ll work up the nerve to go out to the gay bar across town.

… of course, that would also require me to know how the (*&% to get there. I’m still fairly new to this area so I don’t know the city that well. D’oh.

Something new (NSFW)

I did something earlier today that I wouldn’t have had the courage to do a few years ago. Probably wouldn’t have had the courage to do it a few months ago. It wasn’t until about a week ago that the thought crossed my mind and I actually decided to go for it.

The truth is, I’ve never gone all the way with a guy. I’ve had a few missed opportunities, ships passing in the night(ever had a REALLy cute guy message you out of the blue… while you’re busy doing your last-minute packing to move 1200 miles away? I have.), but here are my problems in a nutshell:

1) I didn’t come out until well after I’d already started dating.
2) There are far more straight or bi women than there are gay or bi men out there. Sad fact of life.
3) I don’t really fit any of the main ‘types’ that gay men or straight women generally find attractive. I’ve got some ‘pretty’ features and some more ‘rugged’ ones. Most of the people who find me attractive tend to be bi women. And, go figure, I’m not into the whole threesome thing. At least, not with two women. 🙂
and last but certainly not least… 4) I’m really goddamned picky. Gender just happens to be the one thing that doesn’t matter to me. There are plenty of people who I find physically attractive, but I’m very much a fan of monogamous relationships. I’ve tried the casual sex thing now and then, but it never really did much for me.

So yeah, I’ve been single for a while now. And I’ve never been with a man in the way that I’d like. So I decided I need something in the meantime. I went to the porn, pipes (don’t call them bongs or you’ll get kicked out!) and sex toy store near campus and bought myself a Mechanical Boyfriend Replacement Device™. I chose this one mostly for the same reasons I chose my cel phone… it’s shiny, purple, and it vibrates.

My first dildo

I didn’t want something too small, but since its my first, I didn’t want something too big either. I went with 7 inches and fairly thin. I don’t have a ruler handy, but I’m pretty sure the whole thing is 7 inches, not the part that actually goes in. Still, I’ve been craving cock, and now I have some. Not the real thing, but not half bad. It’s a waterproof PearlShine model, if that means anything to anyone. Its my first, I really don’t know brands or models. I just saw purple shiny cock and grabbed it.

Hmm… that didn’t quite come out how I meant it.

It’s funny, I wasn’t the slightest bit self-conscious in there. I wasn’t self-conscious poking and prodding at the dildos to see which ones were squishy on the outside and which ones weren’t. I didn’t feel self-conscious while buying it. Nor carrying it out to the car. A few years ago I don’t think I could have physically taken it off the wall and carried it to the counter. This time, no problem. They didn’t care. I didn’t care if they did.

So I got home with it. Couldn’t really do much with it at first, had errands to do. But when everyone else went to bed, I hunted up a couple of batteries for it.

Now comes the really NSFW part.

First, I have to say, out of curiosity I put it in my mouth. Sucked on it a little. And god damned if that didn’t turn me on. A lot.

So I decided to return the favor. I turned it on too. And, much to my thanks since I don’t live alone, it barely made any noise at all. This one’s a quiet little bugger. Which is great, because I wanted to use it for some quiet buggery.

So I grabbed the lube I also purchased today (since the ‘warming lotion’ was the same price I figured I’d try that. Honestly, when you’re in the throes of sex, a tiny warming sensation isn’t that noticeable.) and gave it a go.

I really can’t begin to describe what it was like. You’ll have to try it yourself. You’ll also have to try it when you’ve been craving cock for quite some time, and you’ve been eager to try being on the receiving end for about 10 or 12 years and have never been brave enough to try it.

In short: it was fanfuckingtastic. The vibration didn’t even really do much. It was the old in-out in-out that did it. I had been planning on putting some porn on my computer screen while I tried it, but there was really no need. I was turned on enough just doing it.

I expected it to be difficult, or perhaps even painful. But it wasn’t. Once it was lubed up, it slid right in. And it felt incredible. I don’t know how much of it was actual sensation and how much was just the psychological fulfillment of something I’d craved but never had… but either way I ain’t about to rock the boat.

Anyhow, it didn’t last too long. What with my inexperience at this I ended up getting a little bit of you-know-what on the end of it. Which leads to the next good part… it washes of easily.

And that’s about my limit for the night. I love anal sex(even though I’ve only been on the giving end before tonight), but don’t want any bodily fluids other than spit, sperm and maybe a little blood. (I dated a vampire once. Don’t ask.) But it was soooo worth it. I just can’t wait to try the real thing.

I’ve been coming out for the last 8 years.

I officially came out, if only to myself and my close friends and family, at the tender age of 19. I am now in my late 20s.

But still I find myself eschewing the topic when it comes up. Or diverting the conversation. Or pretending that I am simply an observer of events, not someone who wishes to partake in them.

I need some way to let loose my voice. So here it is. One of a million blogs.

I am not entirely straight. Nor am I entirely gay. I am not entirely masculine. Nor am I entirely feminine. I have tendancies. Leanings. But I am not any one of these things. The gender binary has always been a bit foreign to me. Hell, most of the world has always been a bit foreign to me. This blog will focus a lot on my sexuality and explorations therein. But this isn’t just a theme blog. Its my blog. So it may deal with any facets of my life I feel the need to let out.

For now I’ll probably try to stay at least somewhat anonymous, if only because this blog will deal with explicit sexual things, and I don’t want family members stumbling on it. Not that I’m worried about how any of them would react to my orientation (or lack therof)… I’m already out on my facebook page and various other networking sites. I’m more worried about how they’ll react when I start talking explicitly about sex, the kind I’ve had and the kind I want.